Sunday, September 27, 2009
So I suck at blogging, I'm not keeping up with it and that goes back into my first blog about procrastinating. Last night the beau and I were just hanging out drinking and talking. He was playing Jay-Z's new album and a song called, "So Ambitious" was playing and my baby asked me if i was listening to the lyrics. It was my first time hearing it and I'm a fan of Jay, so I was listening and basically, in the song he talked about always living with ambition. So my baby said, babe, listen to what he's saying because it makes so much sense, you always have to live with ambitions and take action. If you have a dream to do something, you have to be willing to get to that point at any means necessary. He went on to compare that idea to me and my personal goals. I will take time to plan out what I want to do, but I don't follow through with those plans so it never becomes an action. In those situations that I do take action, I get comfortable and don't try to progress. I don't know what I'm lacking, maybe it's motivation. I know for a fact that I've become a bit discouraged in shit that I use to believe in. When I was younger, I never knew what I wanted to be, it was just a question that I struggle with. When people use to ask me, I'd always say a lawyer, but I was lying to myself and the people-I'm not a lawyer kind of chick lol. First and foremost I went to college, not by choice, but because I know, "we do what we have to do to do what we want to do" (Denzel Washington, "The Great Debaters). Anyway, when I was in High School, I was in this organization called, The Children Aid Society, shout out to them for the free book money. I use to go after school and they had a program called, Sistanet, where we would discuss young women topics. Each girl had a mentor and my mentor name was Olivia. Olivia was conservative in my opinion, but she kicked it to me like a real sista. She was very knowledgeable and had a warm personality. One day, Olivia asked me that dreadful question, but in the adult version, "what kind of career are you interested in." I thought to myself, "O fuck, here we go ago," I was 18 and I still didn't know what I wanted to be. I forced myself to believe a Lawyer, because I lied so many times lmao. Anyway, I don't remember what I said to Olivia, I don't remember answering lol.....(shrugging shoulders). Olivia told me that base on her observation of me, she think I would enjoy the Communication field. I thought about that before, but always felt like I had to become something like a Doctor or a Lawyer. When I was 15, I interned at Bad Boy and that sparked my interest in entertainment industry. So I asked Olivia, what could I do that mixed both Communication and Entertainment. That's the first day I got introduced to Public Relations. She explained the basics to me, I did some research and I was all about it, from that day I now knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Needless to say, I graduated High School, the program ended, I took Olivia's contact information. I majored in Communication focusing on Public Relations, I graduated, came home and begin job hunting. One day, I was going through some old paperwork and I found Olivia's number. I believe I only spoke to her once while I was in College. We spoke on the phone and caught up, I told her I was looking for a job in PR. She said she knew some people, I gave her a copy of my resume, we revamped it and eventually, I did get a job, but not in PR. I had to send my resume out to every PR firm there is, I revised it several thousand times, I made follow-up calls, I exhausted myself. One day, I was even bold enough to walk inside of the Baby Phat and Phat Farm office and damn near demanded a interview with my resume in hand. That's when I had ambition, I was determined, I was a beast, I felt fearless. I knew that I had my shit together and someone had to hire me. PR was what I wanted to do, I'm a smart chick, I envisioned myself being a great Publicist for people like Kanye, who always seems to need crisis management. It just never happened, I moved on, I got a little depressed, I was frustrated, it was one of those "wtf moments" forreal. I begin regretting going to College, I felt like I went to pay back loans for an education that wasn't efficient enough to land me in the career that I wanted. Furthermore, I moved on and fell out of love with PR, I remember writing in my journal, "fuck em all" lol, it was like a bad break-up. I moved out from my parents, got an apartment, and I've worked as a Medical Secretary for an Ob/Gyn Doctor ever since. I worked at my job for a little over year and I'm grateful; I'm 23, I have my own place, a job, my own independence, I have nice things and doesn't hurt that I'm a nice arm look....okay, okay, I got something going for myself, but it wasn't until that conservation with my baby, that made me realize that I'm comfortable. I'm not making any moves, I look for jobs here and there online, but that's not good enough; I need ambition. I need that walk into any office with confidence attitude back. I have 2 portfolios, that I put together my Senior year in College, they're both Media Kits, I need to do something with them. I worked hard as hell on both pieces and I need to take pride in my work, it's just dusting. Nike has a ad that reads, "Yesterday you said today, Just do it," whoever wrote that must know me personally, because that shit describes me to the T lol.....So with all of that said, today I become "Ambitious A"-how corny is that lol, but seriously I'm going to start making moves.I got what I payed for in College, a textbook and a lecture, the rest is my responsibility, it's fucked up, but so are a lot of other things. This is part of being an adult; it's time to woman up. If no one in PR wants to give me a job, I'll just have to thug my way thru it. Jay said it best, "can't complain about what they ain't gon' give ya, that ain't gon' get ya shit-mind as well, give up." My baby told me, he wants his children not only to be able to look at their father and say "Daddy gets in it," but also look at their Mom and say the same.....don't worry Daddy, Mommy will get it in.....
Stay Tuned.....I got next.
Peace,
A.
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